This book falls into the category of “Audiobooks that Don’t Necessarily Give Me Any New Insights but that I Need to be Regularly Listening to in an AcThis book falls into the category of “Audiobooks that Don’t Necessarily Give Me Any New Insights but that I Need to be Regularly Listening to in an Active Effort to Continually Live Fully and Love Softly,” which is one of my favorite genres because those audiobooks always bring me a certain amount of peace while listening.
Great audiobook read by the author with some excellent points and an hour long conversation between him and his wife that I found lovely. Warning: You may develop an urge to go on a Vipassana Meditation Retreat even though your 9-5 would not allow that. ...more
I'm a very big fan of choosing to be celibate for personal reasons and I think it is a topic that needs to be discussed more openly because there are I'm a very big fan of choosing to be celibate for personal reasons and I think it is a topic that needs to be discussed more openly because there are so many reasons why it is beneficial. So, needless to say, seeing this book on libro.fm as an arc had me very excited; I was quite literally sold from the title. I'll start with the good, because this because this book will have a lot of value for a lot of people and I really do want to encourage people to read it if it sounds up their alley.
The Dry Season is a reflection as to why Febos decided to become celibate for a year. She very intimately describes her past relationships and the way her value was attached to people finding her attractive and wanting to be with her and analyzes and picks out exactly why her behavior has been unhealthy and why she had to make a drastic change. Her cage and inability to become free without a temporary clean cut is apparent, she is self-aware and straightforward and painted a picture for her way forward, her path to freedom. Her reflections on the past and what led to her deciding to be celibate are the vast majority of the book and I found them very interesting, and painfully relatable to parts of my past.
In regards to celibacy, it is clear she did so much research with so much love and care. She has a few groups of celibate people, mainly women, that she really hones in on that gave a really cool historical perspective for celibacy which I found interesting especially since she is very upfront about how her reasons do not align with those celibate groups.
The problem? I thought this book would focus on Febos's journey of where she is finding pleasure during her time in celibacy. Instead, whenever something that falls into that category is mentioned (which is already rare), she breezes past it, and, with the juxtaposition of the depth of the other two parts, it made that part of her journey, which is what I was reading for, feel incredibly pushed to the side and unimportant. I wanted to hear in depth about how she was growing in that year and how this year of celibacy really benefited her, but it felt like a piece of the book that she either couldn't or didn't care to delve deeply into.
There is a point about 70% of the way through the book where Febos says "my life was empty of lovers and more full than it had ever been," then she immediately quotes Audre Lorde instead of giving us a piece of herself, her own thoughts and journey, which is an issue I found with most of the book. We get a very intimate portrait of her before her celibacy journey, but almost every aspect of the celibacy journey is framed through a historical/educational lens, quotes from people before her, and research instead of her own experience. She says her life is more full than it's been, but we aren't getting any insight into this. All we are getting is her reasoning for why she wanted to be celibate and a historical context which, while interesting, does not open us up to actually see how her journey into celibacy affected her. Everything feels theoretically, which isn't necessarily bad, but was disappointing for me (someone who was most excited about seeing that aspect of the journey). If that isn't the aspect that is drawing you to the book, it will not be a big deal. She gives so much of herself in other places and does a lot of really interesting research. However, that piece was the sole reason that I was so excited to pick up this book and, while Febos made it very easy for me to appreciate the craft of this book, I spent the whole time waiting to get the level of depth we were getting for everything else for the part of her journey that she actually spent celibate.
This is ultimately a reflection on why Febos decided to become celibate, not on what celibacy gave to her. It is clear that Febos is incredibly intelligent and thoughtful with her writing and if looking back at past relationships/sexuality leading to celibacy through a personal lens while discussing celibacy through a historical lens sounds up your alley, I highly recommend this book. And, while I'm at it, I highly recommend the audiobook. However, if you want a book that delves into a personal journey with celibacy, this might disappoint.
This was really just a misunderstanding in expectations versus reality and not in a bad way, just in a way that made me think I was picking up a book that I would have been very interested in and the book ending up being about a topic that I don't find as interesting because it is significantly less relatable to me. Febos is an excellent author and narrates her own audiobook beautifully. While this book wasn't in alignment with me, it did introduce me to Febos in a way that has me looking forward to reading her other works.
I cannot tell if it is because of my specific mother situation, but the pacing was a bit weird in this one for me. I had the expectation that this wouI cannot tell if it is because of my specific mother situation, but the pacing was a bit weird in this one for me. I had the expectation that this would heavily focus on abuse / losing a mother very early on, but there is a pretty heavy focus on other aspects, such as societal factors that make it hard to be a mother which, while interesting, were just not exactly valuable to me. Each chapter did have at least one little nugget of wisdom that I found helpful, but every chapter, excluding chapter 8, was a mixed bag.
This is really just a misalignment with reality versus expectations and the reality that I have never had a mother that showed me any type of love so the fact majority of this was unrelatable, but I was reading this specifically with the intent to process something very specific, and chapter 8 was really the only part that I found super valuable, and with that most of it was just validating the healing path that I have already put myself on. Which is very validating, but I was hoping for a bit more.
I do think this is a valuable resource for people with mother wounds, especially who are just now realizing the issues they have with their mother. My situation just kinda forced me to process and come to terms with a lot of this book when I was in my tweens.
“With the sun of awareness shining in you, you can avoid most dangers, and you will experience the stream being purer, the music more harmonious, and “With the sun of awareness shining in you, you can avoid most dangers, and you will experience the stream being purer, the music more harmonious, and the soul of the artist completely visible in the film.”
“Because of all this noise, it’s rare that we pay attention to our true desire. We act, but we don’t have the space or the quiet to act with intention. If we don’t have any purpose feeding us, we are just drifting.”
“To fully experience this life as a human being, we all need to connect with our desire to realize something larger than our individual selves.”.
“Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we are continually watering one thing or another in our mind. Things that we almost certainly will consume again later on. What we water and consume unconsciously may show itself to us in our dreams, it may manifest as something we blurt out in conversation and then we wonder “where in the world did that come from?” We can do a lot of damage to ourselves and to our relationships when we don’t pay attention to what we’re taking into ourselves and cultivating in our mind.”
“I feel connected to you because I am truly myself.”
“anytime we do things not from our true desire but out of habitual fear or ingrained notions and ideas, we’re not free.”
“Without silence we are not living in the present moment, and this moment is our very best chance to find happiness.”
“We can’t find the piece of silence without stopping.”
“Silence is not a deprivation, an empty void. The more space we make for stillness and for silence, the more we have to give both to ourselves and to others” ♥️...more
Introduction: “Prayer, it seems is in our blood. … a constant global hum, … prayer reminds of us our origins.”
“Prayer is not just what we do, it is aIntroduction: “Prayer, it seems is in our blood. … a constant global hum, … prayer reminds of us our origins.”
“Prayer is not just what we do, it is also who we are.”
Book “If in your heart you want to change, then whatever spiritual being you believe in will also be happy for you to change.”
“What we call the will of God is linked to our own will. That is why the retribution of our own actions can be changed.”
“If you think that the Buddha is a reality wholly separate from yourself, with absolutely no relationship to you whatsoever, and that you are standing down here and Buddha is sitting up there, then your prayer or prostration is not real because it is based on a wrong perception. The perception of a separate self.”
“To vow to put an end to obstacles and to transform the afflictions is a desire. We bring this desire and direct it toward the Buddha so the Buddha can help us be liberated from afflictions and realize wisdom. But when we recite these lines, we are not just handing this desire over to the Buddha. We are gathering our strength from within and combining it with the strength that lies outside us.”
“We know that if the strength inside does not exist, then the strength outside us also does not exist.”
“When love and compassion are present in us and we send them outward, then that is truly prayer.”
“No matter what our tradition, when we are praying our priority is to arrive at the ultimate dimension. To arrive at the unborn and undying nature of life. To arrive at the kingdom of God. That is God.”
“Life can only be there in the present moment. If our only concern is to invest in tomorrow, then it would be easy to completely forget about the wonders of life in present moment. We have to return to the present moment, to live it deeply and properly. We have to live it in such a way that the kingdom of God is present here and now.”
“There is no phenomena—human or otherwise—that can arise in its own and endure independently. This relies on that. One thing relies on another in order to arise and endure.”
“We need to know how to stop repressing so that the mental formations of desire, fear, indignation, and so on have an opportunity to arise, be recognized, and be transformed.”
“The way of consuming little and making much happiness is the only way out for our present day civilization.”
“Our true happiness comes from being fully conscious in the present moment, aware of our connection to everything else in the universe.”
At the end of the day it’s all really about a self-proclaimed non-religious/non-spiritual person discovering buddhism and realizing they are in fact quite religious/spiritual just non-theistic. This is excellent. Thich Nhat Hanh is always dropping excellent bits of wisdom that I find to be incredibly helpful and comforting in this life. ...more
An excellent little book filled with wisdom on how to better mindfully walk with a reminder on why being present is so important and how walking can hAn excellent little book filled with wisdom on how to better mindfully walk with a reminder on why being present is so important and how walking can help one be present. As someone who loves their walking meditation, I found this to be a comforting listen (as always with him) with some useful mindfulness tips for future walks.
“We frequently walk with the sole purpose of getting from one place to another, but where are we in between?”
“When you walk, arrive with every step.”
“If every step you make takes you to the shore of freedom, then you can already taste nirvana.”
“Solidity and freedom are the foundation of happiness.”
“We build the future by taking care of the present moment.”
“If your practice is natural, if your practice brings you happiness, that’s the best kind of practice. You don’t look like you’re practicing, but you’re practicing very deeply.”
“Dwelling in the island of self, you are safe”
“I am walking not merely on matter, but on spirit.” ...more
This is hands down the best book I’ve read in terms of an author effectively being able to reframe and alter my thought processes to be more kind and This is hands down the best book I’ve read in terms of an author effectively being able to reframe and alter my thought processes to be more kind and positive towards myself, facilitating space for growth and healing processes . Highly recommend to anyone with cptsd (or who wants to have a better understanding of cptsd), especially if your traumas have made you averse to therapy and vulnerability towards others in general. ...more
In this book, Bates effectively lays out reason to be nervous about the direction that ai, specifically online spaces such as the metaverse and “lifelIn this book, Bates effectively lays out reason to be nervous about the direction that ai, specifically online spaces such as the metaverse and “lifelike” ai such a chatbots and sex dolls, is currently moving in and how anti-woman it is. More than a bit nauseating and disheartening, but important information that should be in the back of our minds as we (willingly or unwillingly) move into a more technologically advanced, ai-centric future.
“Until we recognize women as fully human, and treat them as such, we will continue to design their subjugation into the blueprints of our societies and our lives.” ...more
Like all other Thich Nhat Hanh books I’ve had the pleasure of listening to, No Mud, No Lotus is a book that brought me back to my center and helped meLike all other Thich Nhat Hanh books I’ve had the pleasure of listening to, No Mud, No Lotus is a book that brought me back to my center and helped me. It felt more like a validation and growth of my own internal ideas, especially on self and love, which is the thing that has kept pulling me in towards Buddhism.
“Many of us slog through life without conscious awareness or intention. We set ourselves a course and we barrel ahead, without stopping to ask whether this path is fulfilling our most important goals. That’s partly because many of us believe that happiness is not possible in the here and now. We think we need to struggle now so that we will be happy in the future, so we postpone happiness and try to run into the future and attain the conditions of happiness that we don’t have now. If you breathe in and bring your mind home to your body you can recognize immediately the many conditions of happiness that you already have. You can look deeply at your true aspiration and get the insight ‘I don’t need to run into the future in order to be happy.’ We all have the habit of running, every one of us. That habit creates tension, not only in the body, but in the mind, and it’s a major source of our suffering.”
“If we haven’t taken the time to stop, come home to ourselves, and look deeply we may not know what brings us our deepest happiness.”
“Looking without judgement, we can understand, and compassion is born, transformation is possible.”
“Holding our suffering, looking deeply into it, and transforming it into compassion, we find a way to happiness.”
“The best way to help others lessen their fear, craving, and violence is to show them there’s another way. If love has degenerated into hate, it’s possible for you to turn the garbage of that hate into a kind of composite to nourish the flower of love to bloom again.”
“In the collective, we can see the individual. And in the individual, there is the collective.”
“Everything is in endless transformation, and all things are without an independent self.”
“With the insight of impermanence, we see the interdependent and selfless nature of all that exists, that nothing has a separate, independent self.”
“We recognize the true nature of desire and recognize that everything is already in the process of coming into being and disintegrating. With this insight, we no longer hold on to any object of desire or see any phenomenon as a changeless, separate entity.”
“When we’re no longer grasping at notions, we experience the freedom and joy that comes from the cessation of illusion.”
“When you love someone, you have to offer that person the best you have. The best we can offer another person is our true presence. Before you can be there for someone else, you have to be there for yourself.”
“The first definition of love is to be there. This is a practice. How can you love if you are not there? In order to love, you have to be there. Body and mind united. A true lover knows that the practice of mindfulness is the foundation of true love.”
“You’ve already produced your true presence and so you’re in a position to recognize the presence of another person, someone who is very precious to you. When you say, ‘Darling, I know you are there,’ you are also saying, ‘Your presence is very precious to me and is crucial to my happiness.’ You can’t make the second step unless you have made the first step. … ‘I am here, I recognize my presence, I offer my presence to you, my beloved one.’ This is the best gift a lover can make to her beloved one. Nothing is more precious than your presence.”
“There is pride in you, but in love there is no place for pride.”
“When we love each other, we need each other, especially while we’re suffering.”
“If there’s anything to be aware of, it’s that an emotion is only an emotion and that you are much more than one emotion. You are body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. The territory of your being is large. One emotion is very little.”
“To love is first of all to accept ourselves as we actually are.”
“The willingness to love is not yet love.”
“To know the real situation within yourself, you have to know your own territory.”
“The person who suffers most in this world is the person who has many wrong perceptions, and most of our perceptions are erroneous. … you have to know which wrong perceptions cause you to suffer.”
“The soil of our mind contains many seeds, positive and negative. We are the gardeners who identify, water, and cultivate the best seeds. Touching the seeds of joy, peace, freedom, solidity, and love in ourselves and in each other is an important practice that helps us grow in the direction of health and happiness.”
“May I be able to live fresh, solid, and free. May she be able to live fresh, solid, and free. May they be able to live fresh, solid, and free.”
“May I be free from attachment and aversion but not be indifferent. May she be free from attachment and aversion but not be indifferent. May he be free from attachment and aversion but not be indifferent. May they be free from attachment and aversion but not be indifferent.”
“The notions we entertain about what will bring us happiness are just a trap. We forget that they are only ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from being happy. When we believe that happiness should take a particular form, we fail to see the opportunities for joy that are right in front of us. Happiness is not an individual matter, it has the nature of inter-being. When you’re able to make one friend smile, her happiness will nourish you also. When you find ways to foster peace, joy, and happiness, you do it for everyone.”
“Freedom means transcending the trap of harmful desires and being without attachments.”
“Attachment obstructs the flow of life and, without mindfulness, attachment always becomes aversion.”
“Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.”
“Life is available only in the present moment. Peace is available only in the present moment. Taking a step, and taking refuge in your step, means to stop running. … It would be a pity to let a whole day pass without enjoying walking on the earth.”
“ ‘I have arrived. I am home.’ is not a statement, but a practice.”
“Every step brings you home to the here and the now. Your true home is the here and the now because only in this moment, in this place called the here and the now, is life possible. Every step you take should bring you back to peace, to the present moment. … The miracle is not to walk on water or on thin air, but to walk on Earth. Walk in such a way that you become fully alive and joy and happiness are possible. That is the miracle everyone can perform.” ...more
One of those books that sucks to recommend because you don’t really want anyone to be in a place where they have to read it, but highly recommend if iOne of those books that sucks to recommend because you don’t really want anyone to be in a place where they have to read it, but highly recommend if it seems like something that would help you. Would also advise people to be in an okay place/have a decent support system because it will *likely* retrigger a lot of stuff and make you feel a little backwards, but it was very compassionate and helps in the reframing process....more
The Heart Sūtra, one of the fundamental texts in Mahāyāna Buddhism, is an ancient text that explores being and nonbeing and how we can achieve peace aThe Heart Sūtra, one of the fundamental texts in Mahāyāna Buddhism, is an ancient text that explores being and nonbeing and how we can achieve peace and enlightenment through letting go of our misconceptions of self and being. Hanh’s translation focuses on the areas he had noticed were the most commonly misunderstood in order to bring light and understanding to the meaning of the Sutra’s words.
I find myself in alignment with Thich Nhat Hanh’s interpretations 99% of the time, and this was no different. I found his commentaries on each line of the Heart Sutra not only to be very helpful in understanding the deep meaning of the Sutra’s words but to resonant very deeply with my being, increasing my connection to the Sutra. ...more
Truly an incredible book that inspires a very healing and beautiful way to live. I have been loving my Thich Nhat Hanh journey so far, but this one taTruly an incredible book that inspires a very healing and beautiful way to live. I have been loving my Thich Nhat Hanh journey so far, but this one takes the cake and is one I know in my heart will stick with me for the rest of my physical existence. Essential, calming, and truly beautiful and inspiring.
“Don’t believe anything, not even what I tell you, replied the Buddha. Even if it’s in an ancient teaching; Even if it’s taught by the most highly revered teacher. You should use your intelligence and critical mind to carefully examine everything you see or here and then put the teaching into practice to see if it helps liberate you from your suffering and your difficulties. If it does, you can believe in it. If we want to be a soulmate of the Buddha, we need to have a discriminating, critical mind like this. If we do not allow our beliefs to evolve, if we do not maintain an open mind, we risk waking up one day to discover that we have lost faith in what we once believed.” ...more
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